i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
