you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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