yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
