Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
