I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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