I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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