I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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