I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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