Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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