Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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