Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
