hotel room ftw
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize