well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
