after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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