it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
