i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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