i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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