I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
