My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
