Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
