how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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