I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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