did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
