who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
