I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
