There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They took my balls.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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