no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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