After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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