just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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