After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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