Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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