those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
