his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
and you fell through a lawn chair
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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