i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize