I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
