Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
