just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
