I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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