the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
