You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
