I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
