I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You can't motorboat a personality
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
