You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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