He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
