ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
