I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
