did you get engaged???
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this will be a night to untag.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
