Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
