Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize