He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
