I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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