i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
