3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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