dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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