Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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