I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
