I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
