From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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