i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
