Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
