this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
